Hex

Neko Case has been making her presence known to me these past weeks.
Be it a song or an interview, her music has been saturating my soul.
I don't know what kind of message I'm suppose to be recieving.
Regardless, here are the lyrics of one of my favorites from the fabalous Neko Case.


Hex

When you hear me calling your name in the night
Do you run to your window thinking a coyote might
Be howling
When you hear me knocking at your door again
Do you tell yourself it's only the wind
That's blowing
When you watch the sun sink down in the west
Do you tell yourself that the heart in your chest
Is still beating

Will you know or must I tell you
This is my lover's spell you have fallen into
My dear
My voice is all you'll hear
Only the sound of my heart pounding, darling
You took my heart
Cast it aside
Laughed when I cried
Like it was just no big deal
And here all alone in the dark
I know just how you feel

When you feel my fingers touch your skin again
Do you tell yourself there's just no use
In crying
When the stars in the sky begin to fade
Do you tell yourself, don't be afraid
It's just the night
That's dying

Will you know or must I tell you
This is my lover's spell you have fallen into, my dear
My voice is all you'll hear
Only the sound of my heart pounding, darling

The Itch To Do Something Greater

So maybe it is not to do something greater but is to do something that my heart will be in. I always believed if you are going to spend eight hours or more at a place where your earn your “living” then you should be enjoying it.
I have worked at the same place for 10 years. And lately I have been feeling a heaviness, the type where my legs feel that they are filled with cement and
strong winds are pushing me down. I still mange to walk into my work place but a heaviness sets in.
It is the stagnation, the daily grind of the expected.
I’m about ready to start screaming.

In my past work experience, I have worked in non-profits dealing with education and art. I miss it. And now given the latest punch to non-profits. I feel a tinge of sadness and disgust. Let’s cut back more on art and music.. sigh. But that won’t deter me from finding something that I love doing.
The search will start and continue.

I have been very lucky in these times that I still have a job. I have received raises and bonuses. I’m able to put food on the table and pay my bills. I apologize if this post comes off as being ungrateful in a time when many are having financial difficulties due to the lack of jobs in this country.

What I’m trying to get across is that everyone should be able to find their own niche in the world, love doing it and be able to make a comfortable living from it. It comes from having pride in your work. I don’t care if someone is a waitress or engineer. As long as they “love” doing what they do. I have the urge to move on to do something that I love, and in my search, be able to contribute something that will make me smile at the end of the day.